The past is lost
The future is empty
The present is too painful to bear.

You are gone
and I
must carry the world.

ky

i'm sitting happy in louisville, feeling like i've walked 500 miles to get to a corner to myself. ryan and amy are leaving me their cozy studio downtown while they go off to bonaroo, with my old friend lily for company. everything i need, and nothing. i'm so glad to see lily doing well--beautiful calm and playful--at her seven years! i left lou in nashville with my mother. being on the road with lou the night i left memphis was penible in the infinitive! lou screamed for three hours and it was difficult to deny i was torturing him.
the day we got to mom's, before i woke up, she went out and bought him a real harness and the kind of leash stupid me thought only rich dogs had (the long kind with a button to shorten it), and girl, is it great! lou loves it and my siberian love also adores mother's cold place. in memphis, where we were not allowed to use air conditioning (so i moved and packed for a week in 90 degree weather) he kept trying to crawl into the fridge, and never got near a bed in the summer (too hot). whereas at mom's, besides the walks (she takes him on a long walk every morning) lou wouldn't get off the bed all day. slept for a week, lucky bastard!
next stop: chicago. day of expected arrival: sunday
i'll be staying with Brookney at first.
write me, i miss you and love you!!!

what my mama gives for dinner

move over apply pie crab cakes, we've got crab roast and no-yeast caviar sandwiches. did you know there's black and red and yellow caviar, too? i didn't know there was yellow. i think it's like the stuff they put on inside out california rolls in fancy restys, called something that starts with an m? i love my mothers food and i've needed its root tastes. today jen and bee forced me to take "wellness" vitamins: stinky horse pills, but i got tequila and strawberries to wash it down with.
yesterday, mom and i made fava beans with garlic relish and tomatoes, and a really russian salad with radishes, green and white onions, and a white olive butter dressing. we also had rice with seaweed. eggplants are called bluies in russian: cinenkiye (pl.)
mom's unemployment got cut off last week. the person who knows the taste of caviar has eaten it off trash can lids in alleyways.